Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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