She said her name was "party"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
