its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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