Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
