it was like eating out sand paper
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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