I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
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We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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