one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
