You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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