Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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