I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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