If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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