I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
