Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
