How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
