she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
