Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
