i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
