alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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