So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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