Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
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The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
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Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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