half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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