Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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