When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i dont even know how to be here
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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