I wanna bring you to show and tell
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
