at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
