The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
