You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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