so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
babies were throwing up all over the place
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
