I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
