I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
