omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
