I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
