Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
