are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
