D3 body, D1 cock
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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