who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
