I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
