Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
