i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
