Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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