I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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