She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sorry about my life...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
