One girl and one boy is just not enough.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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