i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
