I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize