She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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