Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
