you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
