Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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