The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
