Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
