the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
