the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
