Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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