That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
