i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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