Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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