your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
that's an acceptable place to lick
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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