Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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