I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
