Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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