dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
