Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
