I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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