i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
