Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We got so high we made milksteak
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
