Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's never too late to be topless.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I still have a little drunk in my system
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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