it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Pooping to opera.
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