a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
